Book Review – My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said YES! by Bradley Sands

I’ve timed this review to coincide with October 14th’s ‘The Day Your Heart Stood Still…Day’, in which people are urged to purchase this book on Amazon as a show of underground unity. A link to the Amazon page can be found below the review.

Bradley Sands is unlike most authors you’ve probably read. It’s not really suitable to label his work “Bizarro” or “Absurd”, even though it certainly is Bizarre and absurd. His work is more like a very carefully crafted patchwork quilt of sheer oddity and confusion. His stories are a leaning tower of mind-melting scenarios that bleed into each other, forming a thread by virtue of their placement. Saying this may give you the impression that Sands is a chaotic randomist, however, this isn’t true either. Reading the stories in ‘My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said YES!” reveals the care and craftsmanship involved.

Consider the following passage from the story, ‘Terror in the Haunted House’:

“An Eiffel Tower struts down the hallway in a sexy maid’s uniform, blitzkrieging the high ceiling with its feather boa duster. The canvas of Lord Remarkably Stiff For His Age bubbles over its frame like a pan of stovetop popcorn. Then the painting extracts itself from the wall, uncovering a crevice and the backside of the painting’s true ally against gravity. Super Noxious Air Man and his sidekick, Kid Centrifugal Force, fight to make the world safe for Dermatology – one incurable skin condition at a time – and the face of the brittle portrait putrefies.”

In isolation, it’s almost like an ultra dense piece of nano fiction. Now, pile these pieces of nano fiction together, following something akin to narrative in the process, and you have a Bradley Sands story. Depending on the sort of person you are, this either a great thing or a terrible thing. I fall firmly in the ‘great’ camp. I love how well-crafted this insanity is, and the imagery these stories provoke is quite unique.

In my mind, there are two ways to enjoy this book: you can let it all wash over you, or you can dive into each sentence and drink every word. I’m a drinker and found a lot of enjoyment slowly working through each sentence and tying them all together. This also leads to exhaustion (at least it did for me). I couldn’t read this book in large chunks. After each story, I felt like taking a little nap. During my down time, this book kept calling to me, asking me with subversive politeness to pick it up again. As I started each new story, I had a sense that this one wouldn’t hurt as bad – of course, I was always left trying to absorb the same chaos.

You’ll notice that I’m not really telling you what this book is about. This is very deliberate, because I feel it would belittle the content. It would be pointless for me to go into more detail than the blurb provides. It’s enough to say that it’s a chronicle of oddity – a cluster of confusion.

Bradley Sands is a fascinating author. His work is both uncompromising and delightfully playful. It can also be very funny and crass in the most unexpected ways. If you really take the time to imagine what he is describing, you brain will turn itself inside out in divine delirium. There were several points throughout that I was in complete hysterics. There are even moments where he touches upon what I’d classify ‘perfect nonsense’. This is nonsense so unapologetically nonsensical that all it can really do is make sense. I’m led to believe that Sands’ style has changed somewhat since this book, so it will be very interesting to read his upcoming books.

There’s nothing left to do but wholeheartedly recommend this book. Even by Bizarro standards you have to be an adventurous reader, but if you give yourself in to Sands’ world, there is ample reward in store. If you wind up throwing this book against a wall, well, it certainly says something about the power of the writing within. I love that writing like this exists and finds publication. The world needs it.

My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said YES! was released by Raw Dog Screaming Press.
It can be purchased here.
Bradley Sands can be found here.

M

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